“If a man loves a woman’s soul, he will end up loving one woman, but if he just loves a woman’s body or face, all the women in the world won’t satisfy him.”
I think I got the closure I wanted today, Lord. Thank you. You know how much I value honesty.
As you can see, my breakup was life-changing and energy draining, so for 2017, I’ll be focusing on myself again.
They say the best time to reform your life is right after a breakup because you’re full of angst and you become more mature. This coming year, I want to make better decisions, as I just turned 25 and I feel like I can’t call myself a little girl anymore.
Your 20s should be the years you work the hardest so you can build an empire by your 30s. Don’t you agree?
Hi. How have you been? I remember last year you greeted me at exactly 12 AM. Nothing grand, but you were asking how things were going minute by minute and it still makes me smile up to now – thinking how special I felt.
It’s been a year. And today, we’re not even friends anymore.
Since it’s my birthday, I hope you let me dedicate a feature on my page that tells what runs inside my head right now. I want to celebrate this special day, I would, and I know I can, but there is this hint of sadness I’d like to go out of my system. I need an outlet and it can’t be by messaging you privately because as usual, you have blocked me on all social media platforms.
It makes me sad we didn’t even reach the point that you gave me something special on my birthday. I care not about the price nor the item itself, but your effort to think of what possibly could make me happy. Maybe a rose would have been nice – I have never experienced receiving flowers from someone I like, you know.
Are you happy? Are you happy with that new glasses? Is that hers? Well, if you are, I’d say it looks good on you. She, looks good on you. You look good together. It seems your family likes you two.
Please let me apologize that I still haven’t moved on up to now. I also wonder why, after all the exchanges of words we’ve had. After how you made it clear to me we’re simply not meant to be. That you refuse to let any piece of me into your world because you want peace.
I’m also trying and believe me, I’m still in the right mind to realize it’s been so long, I have to stop. It has been my prayer for months now, to be able to forgive and forget – exactly how you asked me.
But you know, maybe I couldn’t move forward because I still couldn’t accept that you just lost it – all the feelings you had for me and plans for us two. At first I was thinking, maybe we were just victims of life. You thought God didn’t make things work out because I wasn’t the woman for you and vice versa.
Maybe it was ’cause everything happened so fast, your thoughts on me changed so fast while I was waiting for you to return. To return my heart that you brought along when you took that flight last February. Yet no, you told me you don’t love me anymore through a phone call. A mere phone call. Could’ve digested it right away if said it to my face.
You can’t end things with a young girl through a phone call, you know.
The young girl would cry. She’d cry until she falls asleep, quietly upon getting home after a long day of work. Because that was her most favorite time of the day – finally hearing your voice after working for and with people she doesn’t really care about. That was happiness for her. And suddenly she couldn’t have it anymore. It was so fast.
So the young girl had questions in her head, which she shared to other people hoping they could explain to her. Because she thinks she’s too young to handle a relationship. Everything was a first for her and her innocent self knows nothing but to wait for your return.
And yes you did return, but as a whole new different person. The young girl didn’t know how to handle the excitement to see you, and the fear she won’t be happy with the person she’d meet this time. She didn’t know how to understand you’re not interested anymore. And there is someone else.
This has been an overly long piece and the young girl knows you don’t like reading such.
Just know that the young girl is a year older now, but she remembers everything about her first love. Her first pain. Her first hurt. She knows he is no longer coming back and it starting to accept how things had unfold. Only God knows how broken she is, and how to restore her.
As for you, the young girl thought you could’ve done better than those mere phone calls.
Nung nakilala kita, gumaling ako magbilang.
Kung ilang beses mo ko nilingon.
Ilang taon ang tanda mo sakin.
Ilang dangkal ang taas mo pag dumikit ako sayo.
Kung ilang araw bago tayo nagsimula mag usap.
Lalo ako gumaling nung nagsimula ko bilangin,
Kung ilang araw na ko gumigising nang masaya.
Ilang gabi na tayo nag goodnight.
Ilang tulog pa bago kita makasama.
Para malaman natin kung may pag-asa.
Hanggang dumating ka na,
At ayoko nang magbilang.
Kung ilang araw na lang kita makikita, mahahawakan.
Bago ka ulit umalis.
Pero, hindi ko natakasan,
Kailangan magbilang muli.
Kung kailan ka uuwi,
Para hindi na tayo hanggang sa isip lang ng isa’t-isa.
Yun lang naman ang gusto ko,
Yung maranasan ang saya ng iba.
Tumayo ako sa tapat ng kalendaryo, nagbilang ng araw.
Pero bigla na lang nag-iba.
Nakakagulat pero naubusan ako ng daliri,
Sa pagbilang sa mga gabing hindi makatulog.
Totoo pa lang malupit ang sama ng loob.
Hanggang sa tumigil na magbilang.
Pagdilat ko nandito na tayo sa huling numero.
Di ko inasahan,
Na paglipas ng ilang umaga, babalik ka rin.
Natuwa, muling naalala ang mga plano.
Nagkaroon ng gana at nakalayo.
Yun pala, ikaw, iba na ang binibilang.
Kung ilang araw bago mo ko tuluyan iwan.
Ilang buwan bago ka pwedeng lumipat sa iba.
Kung ilang porsiyento na kakayanin ko nang mag-isa.
Ganado ka magbilang,
Kung pang-ilan mo na ako sa listahan ng mga mali.
Hanggang bigla ko maalala,
Parang madami akong hindi nabilang?
Mga masasakit na salita,
Beses na hindi na sana kita tinignan ulit,
Mga pagkapit ko na buong lakas iniwasan.
Sana pala doon ako nagsipag.
Ngayon, parang hindi ko mabilang,
Kung ilang gabi pang iiyak.
Hindi makatulog kakaikot.
At kung ilang araw pa bago ko tuluyang isuko ang pag-asa,
Na buhay pa siya, hindi ikaw,
Kasi ikaw, hindi kita kilala.
Pagod na ako.
Pero talagang tama ang bilang ko.
Totoong nahigitan ng pagluha.
Been carrying a heavy heart for quite some time now, my dear God. I pray that you forgive my stubbornness and restore my spirit. Please heal others experiencing the same thing.