Might as well start writing a book for fellow ‘never beens‘. Lol


Delayed Gratification At Its Best

“The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite for success.”

― Brian Tracy

I’m probably one of the most impatient beings to ever exist in the world. I want things provided to me instantly, like having them late even just for a day is never an option. So far, the world was surprisingly able to tolerate this attitude, and so I’ve always been the spoiled brat supplied with all my demands. For 20 years I have lived this way – happy with how the world is quickly responding to each of my requests. Until I graduated from college and realized things will never be the same again.

Has someone told you “true learning starts when you leave school?” I think I’ve read this somewhere before. I thought this was just one of those clichés trying to tell you how life’s gonna be when you grow a little older. I didn’t expect it to be a brutally honest statement back then. Not until life started dealing with my impatience and lack of discipline.

Life has never been the same since I went out of school. I started to realize nothing worth having comes easy. Being the ambitious woman I grew to be, I encountered disappointment after disappointment, rejection after rejection, and saw the extent of how ironic life could be. It is for this reason I started questioning my dreams, the aspirations, and goals I have set for myself. Am I being too idealistic?

The events that happened after my first disappointment taught me about perfect timing. You cannot have things just when you want to. There is no shortcut to success and undergoing a training is crucial. When I started in my first job, I was telling myself, “Okay, I have no choice but to endure this for now.” I thought I’d just have to delay my gratification and start small until I acquire the experience I need to finally land in my dream job. Not long after, I found myself enjoying what I do – learning from superiors, meeting new people, and improving in my profession.

Things happened and I had to say goodbye to the company that taught me everything you have to learn in your first job – professionally, psychologically, and emotionally. I resigned and things fell into place. I thought this could be the perfect time to go back to my original plan. To chase after that dream I postponed a year ago. I’ll have it this time! I was sure of it and I already claimed the realization of what was once a delayed gratification.

This part is really when life seemed to be the greatest traitor I could ever meet. I flew back to the place where I’ve always wanted to be, where I always believed has all the things that can make me happy and help me become accomplished. Opportunities came knocking at my door and I welcomed them in with excitement and enthusiasm. Things were going well, until these chances suddenly turned into rejections I’ve never seen coming.

So close yet so far. Have you ever imagined yourself standing at the door of the room containing all your desires? Everything is there. You can clearly see yourself poised and dressed the way you’ve always wanted to be – successful and happy. The same room also presents a view of where you want to work, where you want to go after and the people you’d want to meet after work. To top it all of, at the corner you can also see the man of your dreams. Smiling at you so sweetly like you look totally nice or you did something really adorable. Heaven is it? You’d want to get in with all your might, if not for the cliff that stands before you.

Yes. I’m telling you life could be this rude. Sometimes it’ll let you see the things you want actually materialize, even allow you to touch and smell them, only to tell you it isn’t time yet! You have to delay your gratification. Why? Because you’re not yet ready for it. Like a low quality container, you can break effortlessly when the promise is poured on you.

I’m facing this very situation right now. I’ve been exposed to God’s promise and was allowed to relish it for a few weeks, only to be sent home once again. Heartbreaking it is. You have no idea how strange I felt when the plane was taking off from the ‘promise land’. “Gosh I’m really leaving again”, I told myself. But by God’s grace, I was feeling at peace as I was looking outside the window. Carefully observing how the aircraft I’m in suddenly flies to the dark sky. Until the city turns into a chunk of an island with all the lights that make it look merry. Then it all fades away, signifying my stability in the air.

I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. As Patrick ‘The Starfish’ puts it, “If it’s not a happy ending, then it’s not yet the end.”

Forgive & Forget?

ImageForgive the offender for he didn’t know what he was doing. Forgive yourself for exposing your heart to damage. Forgive the past, let go of its shadow, and eventually you’ll forget the devastation it brought you. 

I know how difficult it is to forget the wrong deed committed to you. But when I finally decided to forgive, I realized it isn’t necessarily about forgetting the act itself. In my case, I’ve forgotten how exactly it felt when I was hurt. I forgot the pain and my anger towards the person – by God’s grace. I guess that’s the first step to totally moving on.

Blindly Optimistic, Friends With The World

I’m blindly optimistic. How ’bout you?

I’m in my 20s and I see the world differently compared to most people. Unlike many, I do believe everything happens for a reason and every story’s supposed to have a happy ending. Is it wrong? Hmmm.

Instead of loving the world and all it has to offer, I strongly believe it loves me. I remember an instance I asked a friend, “Do you feel special?” ’cause I do. I expect all people to like me and find no fault with things I do. Yes I’m a people-pleaser. I’d do everything I can to impress you. I’m willing to take the extra mile just to make you see how awesome I am. Pathetic, right?

Childish, immature, and selfish. Is there any other term worth associating with blind optimism? It all just point out how being one is immensely undesirable. But don’t you feel bad and dare to struggle. There’s actually nothing you can do about it, until God deals with you.

Part of being blindly optimistic is expecting the world to provide your desires – exactly how you want it, right when you need it. While I understand having expectations is human nature, I know how effortlessly it opens a door to the most destructive disappointments. But that’s life. I’d like to believe God designed us to live that way. We expect, we don’t get what we want, we get hurt, we cry, and then we come up with new sets of expectations unconsciously.

But I woke up to how powerless I am. I have no control over many things, especially when it comes to my dreams. I can only think about my aspirations and list all my goals to my heart’s content. Bringing them to life or seeing them materialize is God’s job, if they’re aligned to His will.

Yes, the world is unfair most of the time. It’ll seem deaf to your necessities, then ironically answer your request just when you no longer need it. Annoying, right? That’s the price of being blindly optimistic. What we should do is put our hope in God and have faith in Him alone. Let go of all the  anxiety and stress. We humans simply have no power over the world. Our only responsibility is to bring our concerns to the Almighty and surrender to His ways.

Of course it won’t be easy. After all, dreaming about greatness for ourselves is one of the free things we enjoy. But asking God about them just before translating your desire to action can save you from a heartache. Examine your thoughts and listen to your heart. Do they bring you closer to God? If not, then those things you dreamed of are actually nothing but senseless ambitions this world has pushed on you.

I admit I’m still a bit blindly optimistic and at times, I find it difficult to differentiate it from true faith. But knowing God’s working on me is a relief. I now know the world isn’t my friend, as it could be life’s greatest traitor. Who cares though? I’m not bothered ’cause He has overcome it (John 16:33).

Anyway, I know God’s dream for me is far better than what I can dream on my own. It is for you as well. Why don’t we just let Him take us in shock and delight as he starts unwrapping His good and perfect gift right before us?

– – –

“Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.”
Psalm 25:4-5, NLT

Sovereign, Chris Tomlin

Happy Ending, After All

Have you put in a great effort, only to receive no reward? This is your season of recompense in Jesus Name. The Bible tells us in Heb. 11:6b that God is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. Your labour has not been in vain, He will reward you in full this month in Jesus Name.

The Bible says in Isa. 35:4 “Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompense; he will come and save you.” Are you facing a fearful situation? God will save you from that trouble in Jesus Name. Perhaps you have been falsely accused or you have been rejected wrongly? This month God will make amends for your loss, He will compensate you in Jesus Name.

The Bible says in Heb. 13:8 that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. He has the ability to go into your past, your foundation and recompense you for everything that you have lost over the years. This promise of recompense is not for today only or even this month only-God will go into your yesterdays and repay you in full. Joel 2:25 says “And I will restore to you the YEARS that the locust hath eaten.”

Recompense also refers to punishment for an action. The Bible says in Deut. 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance and recompense.” Brethren, it is not our place to take vengeance on our enemies. Remember that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood (Eph. 6:12) and our weapons of warfare are not carnal (2 Cor. 10:4) . Be rest assured that God will punish your enemies. Even in this season, God will paralyse all who oppress you in Jesus Name. He will send confusion to every evil gathering against you in Jesus Name.

(Source: Chapel of Grace, UK)

Thank You Father for the word. I’ll hold onto this promise as I walk towards the unknown.

Too Cool for This Debut Post

Just another morning as an unemployed writer waiting for a break overseas.
Well. Let me try making this day special by creating a ‘serious’ blog account. Guess I’d have to let go of my Tumblr soon.

I’ll discuss about being cool, being ‘mainstream,’ and things in between.

I don’t believe liking ‘weird’ things makes you cool. Oh, did I just say weird? I can’t think of any term for those things about 96% human beings in the planet are unfamiliar and uninterested with. Fine, you can say it makes you a bit special, unique, it gives you a sense of individuality, but not necessarily cool.

It is for this reason I find most people funny. They wear a label to group and separate themselves from the rest of the world. Isn’t it ironic? They claim to be different from others, from those who like the mainstream, yet they strive to earn a label. I don’t see it as cool, as I believe it doesn’t flow naturally. Does wearing a label make you special and unique? I don’t think so. It only groups you with others sharing the same interest for ‘weird’ things, those believing being labeled as something is cool. Funny.

I believe being cool is about standing out in this crazy mixed up world (as what Michelle Branch calls it). It’s about living with your own convictions and holding strongly onto them, wherever you go and whoever you spend the day with. Being cool is about turning a lifeless conversation into a life-changing one (yes it can be!), about carrying enthusiasm along in your monotonous day, and about always having a positive disposition implying the peace that passes all understanding.

Being cool for me is basically being indescribable, like an adjective or two would be an understatement. It’s how you live your life regardless of what others will think or say. It’s about chasing after your dreams, motivated with good and (if possible) ‘almost’ selfless intentions. It’s about believing everything has a meaning and using it to your benefit. Isn’t it cool to see the world as a dance floor while others see it as a highway? It’s all about showing people how strong you are by being unmoved by mere worldly things.

Keep yourself from being ‘of this world’ and be cool in your own right, according to your personal standards.